Panda Heart Publishing's Official Blog

Have you ever thought when dialoging with people, how often we speak but don’t listen with the same enthusiasm?  If we are excited about something and anxious to share this information with others, we often expect that they will also become excited.  When they don’t, we might become disappointed and even shut down our listening.

This occurs because we all have our own unique points of view, which consists of all of our experiences and beliefs.  No two points of view can ever be the same so different reactions to the same information are more than likely to occur.   Even when we share similar beliefs, if we stay together long enough we will find the differences.

One way of approaching our lives in to hang on to our points of view with the determination of convincing others that we are “right”.  Our point of view is the only one that matters since we hold the truth.  This need to be “right” has a crippling effect on relationships and often blocks effective communication with others.

What if we assume that our points of view are based on our own unique experiences and know that all others are different?  Would we listen more openly?  Would we respond differently?

The beauty of knowing we are each unique and special is that when we share our points of view, we can more readily listen to the points of view of others.  We gain insight into who they are.  We can take in this new information and sometimes expand our own points of view to hold these new thoughts and beliefs.  Just knowing that they exist expands our awareness of life.

The paradox and magic of relating in this way is that when we really take in each others differences, we finally reach the point where we are all the same.  This experience comes from our expressions of respect, compassion, gratitude, and love found within our hearts.  The one force that unites us all.

Everything in life occurs in relationships.  Our relationship to the elements of the earth, to the plants, to other animals, and most importantly to each other, determines the meaning and purpose of our lives.

All of our relationships are contained within a vast web of interrelationships of which we are often unaware.  Our relationship with one person can affect the relationships that person has with others; thus creating a ripple effect.

Having the ability to form and sustain positive relationships with others is one of the most critical needs of our time.  It is the basis of our personal lives as well as that of our communities, our nation and our world.

It all begins with the personal relationships that we now have in our lives.  When we focus on our hearts and share our gifts with each other, we cannot help but create a positive bonding with others.

Our hearts provide the compassion, respect, and gratitude we need for real communication.  We can listen to others with a deeper level of understanding.

In our current relationships, let us take the time to observe how we are communicating with those around us.  Are we speaking and listening from our hearts?  If not, let’s realign our thinking and participate from a new place.  Luckily, we are always at choice.

This positive energy will surround us in the light of love and begin to transform our world to a place of peaceful co-existence.

Throughout our lives we are in and out of many different kinds of relationships.  We may find ourselves on top of the world with happiness or struggling to figure out what went wrong.

It is the nature of emotions that we experience all feelings.  What do these emotions teach us about relationships?  Can they be a guide to something else?  How can we use our emotions as a signal to getting our relationships back on track?

Once we experience an emotion, it then becomes all about the choices we make, (and subsequent behavior or actions that follow), and whether it works or it doesn’t.

The definition of what works is:  “Does it make me and others feel better?”  The definition of what doesn’t work is:  “Does it make me and/or others feel badly?”

Our choices and actions are always completely in our control.  It does not depend on others.  People merely give us the backdrop or setting by which we can select our behavior of choice.  In other words:

People provide setting ——> We experience an emotion ——>We choose a response, our reaction ——->  We experience the consequences of our actions.

Our choices ultimately define our character and determine the quality of our relationships.  We were all meant to have warm, loving, and satisfying relationships.  As human beings, we were never meant to exist alone on a permanent basis.

Let us examine all of our choices and actions by what works and what doesn’t.  If it makes us and others feel better, then continue the behavior.  If it makes ourselves and/or others feel badly, then let’s just let it go.

We tend to spend too much of our time justifying our choices and actions that don’t work, just to be “right”.   We then get to experience the negative consequences over and over again.  Is it really so important to be “right”?   Why??

Think of what our lives would look like if we always chose to do those actions/ behaviors that do work, making ourselves and others feel better, and truly experience the joys of having positive and loving relationships.

Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.
~ e.e.Cummings

It is easy to get caught up in comparisons.  That person is brighter, more successful, has more money, better looking, happier, more satisfied with life, etc. etc.

In truth, we are all amazing, wonderful, extraordinary human beings who may have forgotten who we are.  Each one of us has unique and special gifts that we were meant to share with others.

We each also have our intrinsic gifts of love, kindness, friendship, generosity, etc.  In fact, our gifts are too numerous to even begin to count.  Why then do we choose to focus on what we lack instead of celebrating who we really are?

It seems that we have been taught to look at our mistakes instead of finding joy in our victories.  I heard a story today from of a teacher who was instructing her high school students on their first day of school.

She began her lesson by stating that she had difficulty with spelling.  She wrote the lesson on the board and as she was writing, she misspelled one word.  As the students saw this, many of them became uncomfortable and wondered if they should wait until she was finished before saying anything.

Finally one student could no longer wait and raised his hand to tell the teacher she had misspelled a word.  Other students appeared relieved.  She then proceeded to hold a discussion on what prompted the students to focus on the one misspelled word when the other 20+ words were done correctly.

The lesson was to bring the students to an awareness of how they have the tendency to instantly look at the mistakes or negative issues in a situation and not the positive ones.  In fact they were so distracted that they missed the lesson written on the board entirely.

Let us all find the beauty within ourselves, focus on our incredible gifts, generously share them with others, and unleash our human spirits.  Let’s not miss the lessons of life, as we look for the mistakes in ourselves and others, but rather celebrate the true essence of who we are.